Losing a spouse is a traumatic emotional event. When you are in the vulnerable time after your spouse’s death, you do not need the extra stress of dealing with surprises. Prepare yourself now for the following:

Finances and Benefits

The Social Security death benefit is only $255. Pensions are paid forward. You should be prepared for a possible prorated claw-back of the last month of your spouse’s pensions. A bill now under consideration in Congress would reduce the effects of the claw-back of your spouse’s military pension. Visit MOAA's Legislative Action Center and urge your representatives to support the Respect for Grieving Military Families Act (H.R. 3232/S. 1588).

The year after your spouse dies (if you have no dependents), taxing agencies will consider you a single person. That means that you will pay taxes at a higher rate. Deductions are reduced by one-half when you are single. If there is large equity in your family home, consider the tax consequences of a sale.  Time the sale of large assets to reduce your tax implications.

If you do not already own a credit card in your name with a large available credit balance amount, it may be difficult to get one on your newly reduced income. 

A regular monetary gift from a spouse’s relatives may be reduced or eliminated.

[RELATED: MOAA Members Save on Estate Planning Tools With Everplans]

Some life insurance policies are reduced or denied depending on the circumstances of death, for example accidental causes or suicide.

Some well-meaning people can give bad information. Seek professionals for advice on important matters.

Funeral Costs, Timing, and Requirements

Burial costs can run from $5,000 to $20,000. If you delay the interment too long, there might be casket storage costs. These costs must be paid when the arrangements are made. Even with pre-arrangement cremation policies, there might be additional costs.

A casket burial at Arlington Cemetery might be a six-month delay. Burial at your nearest national cemetery can usually be arranged in one to two weeks; a year wait might be required for a cremation burial.

You will be asked for your spouse’s birth certificate, DD Form 214, your spouse’s parents’ names and their mother’s maiden name.

You will need 15-20 (maybe more) copies of the death certificate.

[MEMBER-EXCLUSIVE PUBLICATION: Your Guide to Military Burials]

If a religious service is held, as a member of a church or synagogue, you might be surprised with costs for music, program printing, security, flower attendant, and clean-up fees. Sometimes, there are even pastoral fees.

Social/Personal Concerns

Grief can affect your memory and reasoning skills. Take a trusted friend or child with you to important appointments. Your power of attorney papers should be changed as soon as practicable. Your new best friend might be the county veteran service officer.

Some of your spouse’s friends might not wish to continue the relationship with you. In a second marriage, some stepchildren might become aloof.

You might not realize or remember who attended the funeral. Have a guest book. Use it also to note especially thoughtful or kind acts that were shown to you. Later, in review, you can express your appreciation with less emotion and more gratitude.

Children, friends, and neighbors will rally around, but slowly their life will resume to normalcy. Yours will not. You must build your life anew. It’s a difficult task, but you can do it.

For more assistance with planning ahead, download MOAA's new publication, Preparing for the Loss of a Military Spouse.