When one spouse retires before the other, known as “out-of-sync retirement” or becoming a “mixed retirement couple,” careful planning and communication are top priorities. As with any lifestyle change, retirement will affect the dynamics of the relationship. The retiring spouse should be aware of how their retirement affects not only themselves but their spouse as well. The working spouse should be empathetic as the retiring spouse transitions.

I am married to a certified financial planner. We have had regular discussions about the financial aspects of retirement throughout our married life. I will be retiring soon (a few years before my husband). While his focus has been on money in retirement, my focus has been on the emotional aspects.

It's important before retirement for both spouses to think about what their vision of what retirement is. If the visions don't align, then careful discussions, negotiations, and mutual agreements should be established.

“Millions of American couples have worked very hard to save for retirement,” says Kathleen A. Murphy, president of personal investing at Fidelity. “However, far too many don't take the time, or have the comfort level, to jointly discuss their plans for the future.”

Our retirement planning now has expanded from the financial view to adding these important considerations to help with the transition:

• Discuss what new roles or duties the retiring spouse will take on. Any variation in chores, roles, duties, and responsibilities should be discussed thoroughly and agreed upon.
• Set aside regular “appointments” to communicate feelings and emotions. It's imperative to set aside time to talk about what is working and what needs to be addressed. This is an opportune time to come together, be supportive, and be sensitive to each other's needs.
• The retiring spouse should use self-reflection throughout the transition. The journey to re-invent themselves might take time and periodic adjustment.
• It's important to keep revisiting how the retirement transition is going. Is the transition meeting you and your spouse's expectations? If the adjustment is not going as envisioned, discuss what steps can be taken to correct the direction. You always can tweak things. There are no hard and fast rules. Be flexible, be supportive, and above all, listen to each other.
• In addition to the emotional adjustments, couples should thoroughly review their financial picture together. If financial changes are necessary, then outline a plan on how to make those changes. Each spouse should have a full understanding of average expenditures and understand the overall financial plan.

When the time comes, the retiring spouse will be better able to help the working spouse ease into retirement by using these successful tips throughout the first spouse's transition. “Above all, couples must avoid falling into the trap of leading essentially separate lives, 24/7, says Harriet Pappenheim, a licensed clinical social worker. “Giving each other space is always important, but it's equally important to keep each other close. That will help to maintain shared interests, experiences, ambitions, and dreams.”

Communication when one spouse retires will aid when both couples fully retire. There will be additional adjustments, but when one person has experience in the journey, things should go more smoothly.